So I got this email from my dad a week and a half ago…
“Mom asked me to send you a brief note about Grandma Ruth.
Barring a miracle, she will be going into hospice next week at Country Meadows.
She is having great difficulty holding her head up and as a result can barely swallow.
Mom called Charles to come yesterday and the three of them spent a the evening together.
After her dinner, the three of us went out for a bite at Eat n’ Park. When we left, Charles said he was going home, but we got a call a couple hours later and he was back at G. R.’s. He is having a tough time.
You have all been here recently so you know she has been failing.
I know I have said more than Mom wanted me to say–she doesn’t want to burden you more.
She is OK. The two of them have spent a great deal of time together and she knows G. R. doesn’t want this.
Like I said, though, Charles needs more time.
Mom just wrote out the hospice line of this–the rest is mine. Hope I haven’t over stepped, but wanted you to be prepared.
Charles talked to Billy and they will all decide next week what is best.
We will keep you posted.
Love to all, Dad”
So, obviously, I talked with Jeff and we made plans for him to watch the boys and I would go be with my folks, specifically mom and grandma. I was hopeful that they would be agreeable so I made the plans then called and let them know what I would be doing. The strange thing is that one sister emailed back something along the lines of “I am sure you don’t want anyone now but let us know and we will be up at a moments notice” and the other two were just there so one emailed a thanks for the info and the other, I am not sure, she must have emailed to dad only because we didn’t get anything from her. That’s not too bad though, I didn’t email everyone either because I wanted one on one time with them. That NEVER happens anymore and I suppose I was being selfish. I do find it interesting that four girls from the same family have totally different reactions to things.
Anyway, Jeff worked Friday and I didn’t feel like driving in the dark so I left Saturday morning. I stopped once for some water and a bathroom break and made it in very good time. Instead of stopping again, I drove straight to Grandma’s nursing home. I knew mom would be there and I knew where a key to the bathroom was. Sure enough, when I pulled up, mom’s yellow car was in the parking lot. I rushed in, grabbed the key went to the bathroom then straight to grandmas room. Anyone who knows me knows it was less than 3 minutes, including hand washing. When I got to grandmas room, only grandma was there. She was dozing in her wheelchair. Her mouth was wide open but she was sleeping. I figured mom went out for a smoke so I just made myself at home and sat next to grandma, hugging her and rubbing her back. She used to love that. Her eyes did twitch a little so I started talking to her but it was hard as she looked so different than she looked just last visit which was only about a month or two ago.
While I was whisper talking to grandma, two workers came in with a big machine. I learned that is how they lift grandma in and out of her chair now. That is something new since she got back from the week in the hospital. Anyway, I asked them if they knew where my mom was (I felt like the bird in the book, Are You My Mother?) and one said she went home and will be back at two. She then stated they were moving grandma into bed and I probably wanted to leave. Hmmm, I wasn’t sure but thought mom knew what was going on (she’s there from 8-1 then 2-4 every day visiting) so I figured I would listen and go to my folks house. They were just sitting down to eat lunch. Dad got us all sandwiches from Arbys. They are really good! Anyway, it was wonderful to see mom and I could tell she was glad I was there. She gave me a huge hug and when I told her what happened she said “so you saw mom?” “yes” “(crying) she looks bad, right?” “(crying back) yes”
We ended up going back to grandmas after she rested for about an hour. They were having some dance and praise singing thing that grandma usually likes. She was still holding her mouth wide open. Mom said it reminded her of the scream by munch. I wish she didn’t say that because not only did that get me laughing, Jeff had wanted to buy that print once and now he will never be able to because it will remind me of grandma’s last days. Anyway, grandma dozed in and out during the show. Mom and I kept talking to her and though we were whispering (don’t say it Jeff) I am sure we interrupted others. There was one resident that kept looking back (before we started talking). When the show was over and we were moving to a table to all play a card game, she said to me “is that your mom?” “No Marjie, you know that is my grandma” “It looks like she is dying” “!!!!” I didn’t know what to say so I just kept pushing grandma to her table making sure we didn’t get with Marjie.
When we got back to grandma’s room we kept pushing her special drink. She is not eating or drinking so anything we get in is great. We stayed for another hour or so then grandma went to bed to take a nap. The whole day she probably said 6 words and I think that is generous.
We got home, ate dinner, started a puzzle (those are always good places to have a conversation), then went down to watch tv from 8-10. That is mom’s routine and that is what I was there for. There were some times I felt really sad, like during the show when I looked at mom and she started crying. Later I found out she was thinking this would be the last time I would see grandma. And when we hugged and she held me tight. It’s hard to watch someone go through this.
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